The book I am reading is called Ina May's guide to childbirth. The structure of the book is that in which it is a book that is sort of like a journal. It reminds me of an email. Peple send her stories about their experiences and they are all in this book. This book is not really a guide but more of a journal of all her favorite births, or at least the ones that were significant to her.
The major question that this book tries to answer is why is having a natural birth at a farm/ village looed down upon? It makes women feel closer to the earth and more spiritually connected to their child, so why is it so bad? I feel like the answer to that question is as easy as saying that having midwives and farms where women give birth really are not as profitable to that institution and to America in the way that hospitals are. Childbirth is a business where every cut, and every word and action a doctor makes costs money. Childbirth can cost less to the parents if they do natural birthing but of course institutions such as hospitals tend to make an argument saying that having a home/ natural birth is undafe and dangerous because god forbid something goes wron, then both the baby and mother are in jeopardy.
The main insight in the first 100 pages is that midwives and natural birth is a very surreal experience for everyone involved. The methods that these natural births follow are methods that humankind have followed for centuries. The insight is that hospital births take away from the beauty of birth. Hospitals take away from the spirituality and extacy that a mother can feel. Hospitals just take the regular approach which is to put you in a bed and inject you if you are hurting. Natural birth invloves a lot of participation and emotion that the drugs hospitals give would take away.
5 interesting aspects of birth that deserve public attention.
1. Midwives in general. They should be more popularized and women should experience natural births more often
2. the way that doctors tell you to do something because it will make them money. The truth behind why doctors tell moms to get c sections or to feed their babies formula. That should be adressed.
3. The way that some women find birth to be orgasmic. Not many people know this about having natural births. It should be said that taking the steps that a midwife tells you can make your birth more pleasurable.
4.How some drugs you take can endagner the baby and drug up your baby. The doctors use these pain killing drugs on the mother but the baby can get some of it too which means the baby will come out being under the influence kind of. Not a good way to enter this world.
5. The way how most doctors have never sat in to witness a real birth session so they really don't know what it is like to see a baby coming out, where as for the midwife, they see all of that so they can tell when something is wrong.
Ina May uses a lot to support her claim that natural birth is the way to go. The whole book is her evidence i think. In every story there may be a part that is scaring or akes the reader make a face, but at the end the person always says how beautiful and happy they were to have a natural birth, so her clain is that what people think about these nightmarish midwives and their atrocious ways really is not true.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
hw 35 other perspectives on birth
The people I have interviewd are freinds and family. first I interviewed one of my friends.
QUESTION: Do you want kids?
FRIEND: yea I want kids. They're so cute and i think that having one will be good because it teaches you responsibility and being an adult. Being a parent must be hard but when yu think about it, 99 percent of people want to be prents one day.
QUESTION: Dont you think that You will be a good parent? What have you learned in your childhood that may carry on into your parenting?
FRIEND: Umm i think that i will make my kid or kids really good. I want to raise them well. I want to be strict with them so they know that respect is important. When i was growing up, i wasn't allowed to be with friends for long and my parents would always sit wit me and help me with my homework. I will be like that with m kids because they will grow up and do good in school which is very important. Also i want to be successful in my life so that i will provide a lot for my child. things that i never had, i will want to give to my kids.
QUESTION: What environment would you want your kids to be raised in. Would you want to raise your child in a specific way?
FRIEND: i dont want my kid to eat junk food at a young age because that will just mess him up. I will not spoil my kid rotten. I don't want a daughter either, i just feel like they are more responsibility and i will be very protective of her for obvious reasons. I want to be stable with a career and a wife or at least someone who i love and who loves me back. I dont want my child to be raised by only me or only the mother. I think that a double family household is the best because the baby will grow up feeling secure and knows that there are 2 important people who really care about the baby. Also i want my baby to be bilingual and i want the mother to have good genes because i want the baby to be cute not weird looking.
I noticed that with my friend, there was a lot of studdering, and that gave methe idea that really he can say all of these things but in reality, he doesnt kno what he will do. Being a parent is very hard and we can plan all we want for it, but things won't always be perfect.
The next person i spoke to was my girlfriend. I spoke to her because she always speaks about being a mom and most women i know always speak about being a mom.
QUESTION: What do you think about becoming a parent, do you want to become a parent?
GF: YES! I think being a parent is the closest we get to seeing and creating miracles. I want to have a kid so bad. Just to think that i brought him/her into this world would be the best. It helps you grow up too.
QUESTION: Do you think that being a parent is stressfull. Do you think you will be able to handle being responsible for someone besides yourself?
GF: Well yea it's going to be stressfull at times because all parents and their kids have their bad daysso it is not going to be perfect, and ye ai definitely know i can handle being responsible for my child. That's why people have to learn to be mature. And have a job! :)
QUESTION: What age do you want a baby?
GF: by the age of 22 or 24ish.
QUESTON: Don't you think that you will be too young to have a kid? 24 is pretty young, i mean you will only be a few years into pure adulthood. Why do you want to be a parent so young?
GF: Young? No. Most people hav kids while they're still in their teen years. I just don't want to be old and have a kid. I think around my mid 20's would be the perfect age.
QUESTION: Ok but don't you think thatwhen you are older you have a moe stable life?People who have kid in their 20's usually tend to become single parents most times because they are too young to know what they want in life. Do you think being older and more stable will be better for your child's future?
GF: I dont think that has anything to do with my child's future. I mean as long as i have a good paying job, not in debt, and i have time for my child, everything will be fine. Even if i do end up being a sinlge mother, it doesn't mean i won't be able to give my child what they need. They can always visit their father too i dont care! :)
QUESTION: Do you have any idea how you want your child to be raised? Are there any restrictions you have in mind for your child?
GF: Not sure. Im going to be different. I don't want mto be all on top of my child. I'm going to give them spaceand stuff. As a baby i'm going to take care of them but i will not spoil them.
What i noticed about this interview was that there were a lot of "likes" used. My girlfriend seems pretty sure about having a baby but i feel that we all do because we can all imagine ourselves being parents because we feel that all we have to do is make sure the baby is fed and clothed and taken care of with basic needs. We don't take into accout all of the activities we have to do witht them, or what to do once the baby begins school or even what to do if there is nobody to take care of the baby when the parent has things to do. I feel that young parents like the idea of being parents, but once that baby takes its' first breath, that's when things become real and we have to completel devote all of our time and energy into the child
The third person i interviewed was my mom and of course she has a lot to say because she has 2 other kids besides me and she got pregnant when she was 19.
QUESTION: Do you think you have been the best parent you can be?
MOM: well certainly not the best, but you guys aren't bad kids so i feel that i have done a good job. You and your brothers aren't on drugs or in gangs or none of that so i feel that i have led you and dsiciplined you guys into becoming men which is very imprtant.
QUESTION: What was your experience like being a mother a 19?
MOM: Well your father was so happy to be having a baby. It stopped my life from progressing though. He took me out of school where i wanted to become a nurse or go to med school. I had to make sure your brother was clothed and grew up ok. Things withme and oyour father were always bad but i managed to raise you guys well and it was also due to te fact that your grandparents would help out. I had to freedom to go out with friends because your father wanted me to be home to take care of your brother. When all of you guys were born that was when things got bad, as you remember all the fighting with your father that i had. I never wanted you guys to grow up in that situation but in seeing all of that, it made you guys aware of the world and how things were.
QUESTION: If you can go back in time what would you change abou being a mother?
MOM: I would have done better in school and tried my best. I would have raised you guys without your father because he was so violent sometimes and he barely helped with anything.
QUESTION: Was raising 3 kids a challenge for you?
MOM: Of course it was. I made sure you guys went to good schools and i made sure you guys had everything yu needed. I guess when i had you guys, i had to grow up and do it quick but i do nt regret ever having you guys and i am happy that you are all good people who care and who are not out in the streets with other kids. I have done my best to raise you guys, but now you guys are all older and now it is up to you guys to watch out for eachother and to make sure im okay now! :) I brought you up but now you are almost 18 and you have a good view on the world so that is why i give you the freedom to do things and i want you guys to experience life but i will still baby you guys if i have to.
After the interview with my mom i realized that she has raised us well and i want to be a parent like she was.she hustled to get us to the point we are at now. Being a kid, I witnessed what my mom faced on a daily basis and she is a strong woman. Raising 3 kids practically alone and doing such a good job at it must have been hard and i cannot believe he did it but that is one of the resons why I love her so much. She threw away her life to make sure ours wee great, i feel like being her son, i have to repay her for her sacrifices.
Patterns I noticed during my interviews were that the older people always had better answers and younger people had stereotypical answers. some people I spoke to just shot out their thoughts but could not articulate, and others spoke very well. Overall i feel that the younger we are the less we know about birth and babies, but we all want to have them. I have seen a lot of teen mothers and young mothers and what i notice about them is that they seem to be stressed all the time and they also have no freedom anymore.
Being a parent or wanting kids is someting that we as a whole need to plan carefully because we all want to be the best parents we can but honestly I look around at some people i know and i don't think that the situations that they are in are suitable for a baby. It is a big decision to have a child and the way i see things are that i don't want to be a father until I have MY life in order. Like my dad always tells me, Don't have kids until you have your career because if you do, you will have to give up alot. That was probably the best advice he has ever given me.
QUESTION: Do you want kids?
FRIEND: yea I want kids. They're so cute and i think that having one will be good because it teaches you responsibility and being an adult. Being a parent must be hard but when yu think about it, 99 percent of people want to be prents one day.
QUESTION: Dont you think that You will be a good parent? What have you learned in your childhood that may carry on into your parenting?
FRIEND: Umm i think that i will make my kid or kids really good. I want to raise them well. I want to be strict with them so they know that respect is important. When i was growing up, i wasn't allowed to be with friends for long and my parents would always sit wit me and help me with my homework. I will be like that with m kids because they will grow up and do good in school which is very important. Also i want to be successful in my life so that i will provide a lot for my child. things that i never had, i will want to give to my kids.
QUESTION: What environment would you want your kids to be raised in. Would you want to raise your child in a specific way?
FRIEND: i dont want my kid to eat junk food at a young age because that will just mess him up. I will not spoil my kid rotten. I don't want a daughter either, i just feel like they are more responsibility and i will be very protective of her for obvious reasons. I want to be stable with a career and a wife or at least someone who i love and who loves me back. I dont want my child to be raised by only me or only the mother. I think that a double family household is the best because the baby will grow up feeling secure and knows that there are 2 important people who really care about the baby. Also i want my baby to be bilingual and i want the mother to have good genes because i want the baby to be cute not weird looking.
I noticed that with my friend, there was a lot of studdering, and that gave methe idea that really he can say all of these things but in reality, he doesnt kno what he will do. Being a parent is very hard and we can plan all we want for it, but things won't always be perfect.
The next person i spoke to was my girlfriend. I spoke to her because she always speaks about being a mom and most women i know always speak about being a mom.
QUESTION: What do you think about becoming a parent, do you want to become a parent?
GF: YES! I think being a parent is the closest we get to seeing and creating miracles. I want to have a kid so bad. Just to think that i brought him/her into this world would be the best. It helps you grow up too.
QUESTION: Do you think that being a parent is stressfull. Do you think you will be able to handle being responsible for someone besides yourself?
GF: Well yea it's going to be stressfull at times because all parents and their kids have their bad daysso it is not going to be perfect, and ye ai definitely know i can handle being responsible for my child. That's why people have to learn to be mature. And have a job! :)
QUESTION: What age do you want a baby?
GF: by the age of 22 or 24ish.
QUESTON: Don't you think that you will be too young to have a kid? 24 is pretty young, i mean you will only be a few years into pure adulthood. Why do you want to be a parent so young?
GF: Young? No. Most people hav kids while they're still in their teen years. I just don't want to be old and have a kid. I think around my mid 20's would be the perfect age.
QUESTION: Ok but don't you think thatwhen you are older you have a moe stable life?People who have kid in their 20's usually tend to become single parents most times because they are too young to know what they want in life. Do you think being older and more stable will be better for your child's future?
GF: I dont think that has anything to do with my child's future. I mean as long as i have a good paying job, not in debt, and i have time for my child, everything will be fine. Even if i do end up being a sinlge mother, it doesn't mean i won't be able to give my child what they need. They can always visit their father too i dont care! :)
QUESTION: Do you have any idea how you want your child to be raised? Are there any restrictions you have in mind for your child?
GF: Not sure. Im going to be different. I don't want mto be all on top of my child. I'm going to give them spaceand stuff. As a baby i'm going to take care of them but i will not spoil them.
What i noticed about this interview was that there were a lot of "likes" used. My girlfriend seems pretty sure about having a baby but i feel that we all do because we can all imagine ourselves being parents because we feel that all we have to do is make sure the baby is fed and clothed and taken care of with basic needs. We don't take into accout all of the activities we have to do witht them, or what to do once the baby begins school or even what to do if there is nobody to take care of the baby when the parent has things to do. I feel that young parents like the idea of being parents, but once that baby takes its' first breath, that's when things become real and we have to completel devote all of our time and energy into the child
The third person i interviewed was my mom and of course she has a lot to say because she has 2 other kids besides me and she got pregnant when she was 19.
QUESTION: Do you think you have been the best parent you can be?
MOM: well certainly not the best, but you guys aren't bad kids so i feel that i have done a good job. You and your brothers aren't on drugs or in gangs or none of that so i feel that i have led you and dsiciplined you guys into becoming men which is very imprtant.
QUESTION: What was your experience like being a mother a 19?
MOM: Well your father was so happy to be having a baby. It stopped my life from progressing though. He took me out of school where i wanted to become a nurse or go to med school. I had to make sure your brother was clothed and grew up ok. Things withme and oyour father were always bad but i managed to raise you guys well and it was also due to te fact that your grandparents would help out. I had to freedom to go out with friends because your father wanted me to be home to take care of your brother. When all of you guys were born that was when things got bad, as you remember all the fighting with your father that i had. I never wanted you guys to grow up in that situation but in seeing all of that, it made you guys aware of the world and how things were.
QUESTION: If you can go back in time what would you change abou being a mother?
MOM: I would have done better in school and tried my best. I would have raised you guys without your father because he was so violent sometimes and he barely helped with anything.
QUESTION: Was raising 3 kids a challenge for you?
MOM: Of course it was. I made sure you guys went to good schools and i made sure you guys had everything yu needed. I guess when i had you guys, i had to grow up and do it quick but i do nt regret ever having you guys and i am happy that you are all good people who care and who are not out in the streets with other kids. I have done my best to raise you guys, but now you guys are all older and now it is up to you guys to watch out for eachother and to make sure im okay now! :) I brought you up but now you are almost 18 and you have a good view on the world so that is why i give you the freedom to do things and i want you guys to experience life but i will still baby you guys if i have to.
After the interview with my mom i realized that she has raised us well and i want to be a parent like she was.she hustled to get us to the point we are at now. Being a kid, I witnessed what my mom faced on a daily basis and she is a strong woman. Raising 3 kids practically alone and doing such a good job at it must have been hard and i cannot believe he did it but that is one of the resons why I love her so much. She threw away her life to make sure ours wee great, i feel like being her son, i have to repay her for her sacrifices.
Patterns I noticed during my interviews were that the older people always had better answers and younger people had stereotypical answers. some people I spoke to just shot out their thoughts but could not articulate, and others spoke very well. Overall i feel that the younger we are the less we know about birth and babies, but we all want to have them. I have seen a lot of teen mothers and young mothers and what i notice about them is that they seem to be stressed all the time and they also have no freedom anymore.
Being a parent or wanting kids is someting that we as a whole need to plan carefully because we all want to be the best parents we can but honestly I look around at some people i know and i don't think that the situations that they are in are suitable for a baby. It is a big decision to have a child and the way i see things are that i don't want to be a father until I have MY life in order. Like my dad always tells me, Don't have kids until you have your career because if you do, you will have to give up alot. That was probably the best advice he has ever given me.
Monday, January 17, 2011
hw 30
i decided to focus on alienation while sick and how when people are in the hospital or they are dying, they are left alone with no family.
a resource that i had was my own life and how my family alienates others until that person is on very ill and in the hospital. Another source i looked at was the movie that we saw called near death. The part that struck me the most was the part when the elderly woman passed away in the hospital bed while her family was on their way to see her.
on the internet i researched alienation and it was always something about p.a.s which was parental alienation. I then saw something about karl Marx's theory and it spoke about how alienation is when we separate ourselves from the things that matter.
The way i carried out this project was that i went to go visit the member of my family that we alienate the most which was my aunt. The reason why we alienate her is unknown but it definitely has something to do with the fact that she is ill and so is her husband. It makes me think that we alienate them because theyare sick and we dont want to have that site around us but my family isnt like that. i guess i really don't know why we leave them out of family events. I actually enjoyed seeing her but it was very awkward for me because i was just sitting in her living room not really doing much. i did realize though that she didnt have any new things in her house and she still smiled. i wondered did her lack of knowledge on all the new things our family has gone through made her happier. She seems at peace witht he situation that she is in. she calls my grandma alot and it seems that she doesnt mind being alone. it gives her more time to be with her husbandand to relax. I think being alienated really isnt so bad afterall. MAybe she prefers it. I use to feel so bad for her and the fact that we dont visit her ad i still do feel bad but she seems to not mind.
i relaized and i learned from visitng my aunt that maybe alienation to some may be the worse feeling for some people but alienation may also bring some benefits as well such as tranquility and happiness. I feel tha being alienated is in some cases very positive and the best part of the day for people. on the other hand i learned that younger people do not like the feelin of alienation. One person i spoke to hated being alone and that person would always be sad and depressed. I realized that people who are alienated at younger ages seem to hate it and become depressed. As for older people they don't mind it because their whole life was spent having social interactions with others and this was their moment to enjoy being alone and just relaxed. So being alienated isn't a bad feeling.
This shows that when people are ill and elderly, they usually like to be alone. They also become more joyous and they learn to love life more.
this matters because it is imporant to realize that sometimes people need to be alone and it is not a bad thing. Also the reasons why we may alienate someone is because we feel ashamed or afraid to reconnect with someone. alienation can lead to happiness though because it can make someone do things that they want to do.
a resource that i had was my own life and how my family alienates others until that person is on very ill and in the hospital. Another source i looked at was the movie that we saw called near death. The part that struck me the most was the part when the elderly woman passed away in the hospital bed while her family was on their way to see her.
on the internet i researched alienation and it was always something about p.a.s which was parental alienation. I then saw something about karl Marx's theory and it spoke about how alienation is when we separate ourselves from the things that matter.
The way i carried out this project was that i went to go visit the member of my family that we alienate the most which was my aunt. The reason why we alienate her is unknown but it definitely has something to do with the fact that she is ill and so is her husband. It makes me think that we alienate them because theyare sick and we dont want to have that site around us but my family isnt like that. i guess i really don't know why we leave them out of family events. I actually enjoyed seeing her but it was very awkward for me because i was just sitting in her living room not really doing much. i did realize though that she didnt have any new things in her house and she still smiled. i wondered did her lack of knowledge on all the new things our family has gone through made her happier. She seems at peace witht he situation that she is in. she calls my grandma alot and it seems that she doesnt mind being alone. it gives her more time to be with her husbandand to relax. I think being alienated really isnt so bad afterall. MAybe she prefers it. I use to feel so bad for her and the fact that we dont visit her ad i still do feel bad but she seems to not mind.
i relaized and i learned from visitng my aunt that maybe alienation to some may be the worse feeling for some people but alienation may also bring some benefits as well such as tranquility and happiness. I feel tha being alienated is in some cases very positive and the best part of the day for people. on the other hand i learned that younger people do not like the feelin of alienation. One person i spoke to hated being alone and that person would always be sad and depressed. I realized that people who are alienated at younger ages seem to hate it and become depressed. As for older people they don't mind it because their whole life was spent having social interactions with others and this was their moment to enjoy being alone and just relaxed. So being alienated isn't a bad feeling.
This shows that when people are ill and elderly, they usually like to be alone. They also become more joyous and they learn to love life more.
this matters because it is imporant to realize that sometimes people need to be alone and it is not a bad thing. Also the reasons why we may alienate someone is because we feel ashamed or afraid to reconnect with someone. alienation can lead to happiness though because it can make someone do things that they want to do.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
hw 27
nobody in my family was sick durin this break and I was happy about that because I really hate the way my family gets when someone is sick. I did find out that my aunts husband who is about 70 years old has colon cancer, on top of the fact that he lost his sight a year ago. I remember seeing him so happy and smiling and seeing us in his house. this is the same person who lost all 4 sons and now my aunt has he husband with her and he cannot even function properly anymore. Iris so sad to see someone suffer like that. My uncle now has to go get chemotherapy now. It reminds me of when my mom ha cancer and lost her hair. she was really sick and luckily my brothers an I had family that helped out. Now that he is sick, my aunt is really hurting. If she were to lose him she would be all alone.
one thing that I feel relates to the situation was that he was like Morrie. everytime I saw him he got worse an worse. it sucked to see it but it's like everyone in my family i going to go through a situation like that. I don't think he will ever smile or laugh again. he cannot even see his own wife and it is so sad but she Is really strong because she manages to still be happy everyday and she reminded me of the guest speaker that we had. I mean it wa sad that she lost her husband but she seemed to cope with the loss. I think that my aunt is going to be ok though because in my family, deaths are very common
I remember when he came to my house maybe around the summer time. He wasn't really sick then. He was blind and had a cane and didn't know who anyone was because he couldn't see us. I felt so ba because all he did was sit in a corner and when I went to say hi to him he didn't know who I was and he didn't smile. It's like he gave up on life. No matter how he is, my family refuses to call him or invite him places, even though we can all easily pick them up or bring them over since they live 6 blocks away. I find it upsetting because my family won't realize that him and my aunt are family too. I felt really upset and couldn't believe what happened to him in a matter of a year and a half. I think ever since his last son passed away he started to deteriorate.
one thing that I feel relates to the situation was that he was like Morrie. everytime I saw him he got worse an worse. it sucked to see it but it's like everyone in my family i going to go through a situation like that. I don't think he will ever smile or laugh again. he cannot even see his own wife and it is so sad but she Is really strong because she manages to still be happy everyday and she reminded me of the guest speaker that we had. I mean it wa sad that she lost her husband but she seemed to cope with the loss. I think that my aunt is going to be ok though because in my family, deaths are very common
I remember when he came to my house maybe around the summer time. He wasn't really sick then. He was blind and had a cane and didn't know who anyone was because he couldn't see us. I felt so ba because all he did was sit in a corner and when I went to say hi to him he didn't know who I was and he didn't smile. It's like he gave up on life. No matter how he is, my family refuses to call him or invite him places, even though we can all easily pick them up or bring them over since they live 6 blocks away. I find it upsetting because my family won't realize that him and my aunt are family too. I felt really upset and couldn't believe what happened to him in a matter of a year and a half. I think ever since his last son passed away he started to deteriorate.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
important insights:
she didnt want to put her husband in an institution
death at home with his family was very sad but important
a hospice was not provided while he was sick
she let her son say goodbye to his father
the older son still is depressed.
death was not easy for the family since they were all very close to the father.
one important thing that i liked was when she said that she didnt let anyome take care of her husband. i thought it was so good that they spent alot of time together in his last months of life. I feel like they did so much in those months an there was like no regrets. Even though she misses him, she seemed really humble.
Another important insight that i thought of was when she woke up her son to say goodbye to his father when he was already dead. That reminded me about when my uncle died and i was left to say bye to him. it was hard to say thing to someone and they dont answer back because it feels so weird to not get a response and to talk to someone that has passed away. In our culture its so common that we speak to the dead. its also like when people die, we feel like they have special powers and like they are listening and watching us from above. I think that speaking to the dead is scary but we always do it
a question that beth made me think about was, how does she sleep at nite in the samme house where her husband died? Also i wonder if she has had any supernatural things happen to her because in america we are obsessed with the supetnatural and whenever skmeone dies we all have this experience where wr can feel their prescence just like my mom always tells me. I wonder if she is scared of loving again or if she thinks that her husband is watchin her. she seems to cope really well but is it just her hiding what she really feels?
she didnt want to put her husband in an institution
death at home with his family was very sad but important
a hospice was not provided while he was sick
she let her son say goodbye to his father
the older son still is depressed.
death was not easy for the family since they were all very close to the father.
one important thing that i liked was when she said that she didnt let anyome take care of her husband. i thought it was so good that they spent alot of time together in his last months of life. I feel like they did so much in those months an there was like no regrets. Even though she misses him, she seemed really humble.
Another important insight that i thought of was when she woke up her son to say goodbye to his father when he was already dead. That reminded me about when my uncle died and i was left to say bye to him. it was hard to say thing to someone and they dont answer back because it feels so weird to not get a response and to talk to someone that has passed away. In our culture its so common that we speak to the dead. its also like when people die, we feel like they have special powers and like they are listening and watching us from above. I think that speaking to the dead is scary but we always do it
a question that beth made me think about was, how does she sleep at nite in the samme house where her husband died? Also i wonder if she has had any supernatural things happen to her because in america we are obsessed with the supetnatural and whenever skmeone dies we all have this experience where wr can feel their prescence just like my mom always tells me. I wonder if she is scared of loving again or if she thinks that her husband is watchin her. she seems to cope really well but is it just her hiding what she really feels?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
hw 19 family perspectives on illness and dying
well this is very intersting to me because i never asked my family how they feel about it. I get a really good idea of how they feel though. It is completely different from the way i feel. For my mother its like everytime someone gets really sick and may not make it, she always has a dream about them calling her name or something. A perfect example is with my aunts 3rd son, My mom told me how she was sleeping and then she had a dream hat he called her name and told her to go to the hospital so that he can say bye. So that night she rushed all of us to see him. While there i was the last one to see him out of about 5 or 6 people. his mother was with him in the room, as usual she had a smile on her face, thinking so positive about her son and she couldn't wait until he was back home. When my mother took me to see him, he looked terrible, his bod was so frail and he looked like he was gasping for every bit of air. Inhad never been ecposed to that, but the way that i am, i tried to be positive as well. I pulled a chair next to his bed and we were watching tv together, he was not responding to anything i sed and he just had a blank stare. My mother told me to talk to him because he can hear me and so i did. My mother took his mother to the bathroom really quick while i stayed with him watching tv. as i was talking to him, he looked at me and i stared back and held his hand. Then my mother walked back in and sat down looking around the room while his mother was walking back. About 30 seconds as i was looking at him and talking to him, he took one last breath, with all of his strength and then he stopped. His eyes tilted and his chest no longer had the rapid movements. I stood up and got a little bit closer to him to see if i heard him breathe into the oxygen mask, and i heard nothing. That was when i went to my mother and said, "he stopped breathing, he stopped breathing." she jumped to his bed and tried to wake him. At that very moment his mother came in. The smile turned into tears and yells. "Wally wake up, wake up!" no response once again. All i could do was watch. i did not shed one tear. The nurse came in checked his pulse which no longer existed, and then she looked at his mother and put the white blanket over his face. I left right after that breathing with panic. In the elevator i stood there and tried to contain myself but i couldn't i broke down and cried so hard while i banged on the walls. I got out and my brothers were sitting there joking. They said "why are u crying?!" laughing at me until i told them, Wally died, right in front of me. he looked at me and stopped breathing." their faces changed and tears flowed too. At that very moment i realized that i will never see him again or i will never hear him say, "hey you owe me a soda." pepsi was his favorite. About an hour later my aunt showed up with her son and they had nothing to say, they already knew by the look in my eyes. Until this day i tink about that night and how we all went home that night and continued living.
I feel that in my family the idea of illness and dying are so forbidden. We try to prevent it any way possible, but the way that we try is to just hide it all. My mother hates adressing illness but she has no problem talking about it . She had breast cancer 4 years ago and she has gotten better. she likes to talk about illness because she knows what is is like to be really sick. she likes to joke around about her getting sick and stuff but really it can happen. I feel like in America though it is so common that we joke around about things like getting sick because sometimes it can be amusing because usually when we hear those jokes, we think of how likely it is that te person actualy gets sick. In America we tend to make everything a joke because we are scared to think of negative things as actual possibilities. With my grandmother she knows that she is going to die. She doesnt avoid talking about it and she already has everything planned for my family after she is gone. sh is always telling me that her house will be ours and that we all have money in the bank for us when she passes away. She really has no negative additudes towards getting ill. She is diabetic and she is very careful with what she eats and she understands how serious it is, but it's like she reall doesn't stress it. the motto in my family is that when god says it's our time to go, the we have to go. It seems comforting for everyone to know that when we die, god will take care of us, and i feel that in America peple always feel better when they find some sort of higher power which will care for u when we die. My family are big believers in god and that we will all be in heaven. Also we beileve that the spirit lives on after the body is gone. From several people i have heard about seeing spiits and as much as i scares them, they believe that one day they will be in the same situation.
The way my family solves their illnesses are by using medicines and relying on that to help us. We really don't take an illness seriously unless you are in the hospital for it, then all of a sudden it's like oh shit he really was sick. humans always find ways to solve their problems that i feel that whenever someone ends up in the hospital it is like a taboo. its like we fix everything, but some things just cannot be fixed. My family takes people for granted. We don't care untll someone really ends up sik, thats when we all get together and show love and respecct, but My family does that for such a short time. I feel that out of everyone in my family except my 9 year old baby cousin, i am the only one who think about the ones who have passed in my family. for him to come to me sad saying that he misses wally, makes me feel that at such a young age he has a sense of death and he shows that he remembers the family that he spent so little time knowing. He understands death nand he knows he is human, and that his day will come, but it scares him so much, as it would with any 9 year old. He just shows that he isn't naiive about the world and he sort of thinks like me. Sometimes i feel like his greates influence and i feel that im his sense of security because i always find ways to explain things to him and he always understands.
My family overall speaks about death on a small basis but it does get brought up on occasion. The most recent one was my aunt's miscarriage a month ago. It broke her down but it always gets to the idea that her baby is in a better place. The better place can never be imagined but all we ever say is that there is a better place. My one big question to them is always how do they know? oncve again it goes back to religion and it is a big circle of sickness, dying, and god saving us and bringing us to a better place. Let's hope this better place does exist.
I feel that in my family the idea of illness and dying are so forbidden. We try to prevent it any way possible, but the way that we try is to just hide it all. My mother hates adressing illness but she has no problem talking about it . She had breast cancer 4 years ago and she has gotten better. she likes to talk about illness because she knows what is is like to be really sick. she likes to joke around about her getting sick and stuff but really it can happen. I feel like in America though it is so common that we joke around about things like getting sick because sometimes it can be amusing because usually when we hear those jokes, we think of how likely it is that te person actualy gets sick. In America we tend to make everything a joke because we are scared to think of negative things as actual possibilities. With my grandmother she knows that she is going to die. She doesnt avoid talking about it and she already has everything planned for my family after she is gone. sh is always telling me that her house will be ours and that we all have money in the bank for us when she passes away. She really has no negative additudes towards getting ill. She is diabetic and she is very careful with what she eats and she understands how serious it is, but it's like she reall doesn't stress it. the motto in my family is that when god says it's our time to go, the we have to go. It seems comforting for everyone to know that when we die, god will take care of us, and i feel that in America peple always feel better when they find some sort of higher power which will care for u when we die. My family are big believers in god and that we will all be in heaven. Also we beileve that the spirit lives on after the body is gone. From several people i have heard about seeing spiits and as much as i scares them, they believe that one day they will be in the same situation.
The way my family solves their illnesses are by using medicines and relying on that to help us. We really don't take an illness seriously unless you are in the hospital for it, then all of a sudden it's like oh shit he really was sick. humans always find ways to solve their problems that i feel that whenever someone ends up in the hospital it is like a taboo. its like we fix everything, but some things just cannot be fixed. My family takes people for granted. We don't care untll someone really ends up sik, thats when we all get together and show love and respecct, but My family does that for such a short time. I feel that out of everyone in my family except my 9 year old baby cousin, i am the only one who think about the ones who have passed in my family. for him to come to me sad saying that he misses wally, makes me feel that at such a young age he has a sense of death and he shows that he remembers the family that he spent so little time knowing. He understands death nand he knows he is human, and that his day will come, but it scares him so much, as it would with any 9 year old. He just shows that he isn't naiive about the world and he sort of thinks like me. Sometimes i feel like his greates influence and i feel that im his sense of security because i always find ways to explain things to him and he always understands.
My family overall speaks about death on a small basis but it does get brought up on occasion. The most recent one was my aunt's miscarriage a month ago. It broke her down but it always gets to the idea that her baby is in a better place. The better place can never be imagined but all we ever say is that there is a better place. My one big question to them is always how do they know? oncve again it goes back to religion and it is a big circle of sickness, dying, and god saving us and bringing us to a better place. Let's hope this better place does exist.
hw 19 health and illness
over thanksgiving i really didnt do much. of course my family andi ate but it gets worse and worse every year. I remember last year for thanksgiving my whole family went to my cousin's house in long island. It was probably the funnest thanksgivin i have had in a while except for the part where him and his wife fought because my cousing was drunk. Besides that, it was a great day. This year we decided to just go to my aunts house. or formal way of arriving. Since my aunt lives in my building, i had no reason to dress up or to look nice. i knew everyone who was going to be there and there weren't even that many people there. Its so weird how my family is al close together. we all basically live in the queens area and we all see eachother maybe like 4 times a week so it really wasnt anything new to me. When i arrived, people were eating and enjoying themselves and i had about one little plate of food. I had no turkey because i never liked it. Other than that the little party was cool. i felt lazy and just nonchalant about it all.
One thing i hate about my family and one thing i really wish could change is the way that we always use holidays as excuses to drink. The thing that sucks is that when my family starts to drink, they are most likely not ending. This thanksgiving was not as bad as the last one. Only a few people got drunk, but i dont understand why drinking on a food holiday is necessary
One thing i also noticed is that my family never invites my older aunt to anything special even though she lives 5 blocks away. she has had such a hard life. She lost all 4 of her sons to terrible things but she is such a strong woman. Her last sone passed away about 2 years ago and i feel that i am the only one who ever thinks about him and how cool he was to me. He suffered most of his life ever since an accident that happened when he was younger. it is just sad how we forgot all about her and i know she wishes she was there with us and all of her sons were too.
I typically hate hoildays. I find no joy in them and really i hate how we celebrate as a family. Lets's see how christmas goes.
One thing i hate about my family and one thing i really wish could change is the way that we always use holidays as excuses to drink. The thing that sucks is that when my family starts to drink, they are most likely not ending. This thanksgiving was not as bad as the last one. Only a few people got drunk, but i dont understand why drinking on a food holiday is necessary
One thing i also noticed is that my family never invites my older aunt to anything special even though she lives 5 blocks away. she has had such a hard life. She lost all 4 of her sons to terrible things but she is such a strong woman. Her last sone passed away about 2 years ago and i feel that i am the only one who ever thinks about him and how cool he was to me. He suffered most of his life ever since an accident that happened when he was younger. it is just sad how we forgot all about her and i know she wishes she was there with us and all of her sons were too.
I typically hate hoildays. I find no joy in them and really i hate how we celebrate as a family. Lets's see how christmas goes.
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